Forgive and Forget at Christmas

“This song has been an amazing journey for me” says The Cides founder and lead vocalist Paul Hayward

We were towards the end of a week’s recording session in Copenhagen in late November 2018.
A special 'Christmas' beer had just been put on tap at the local bar. As we were drinking it I remarked “so nice to have this brew, shame that we have to put up with the same old crap Christmas songs…”
Jack G-H our drummer quipped “I bet you a night of free beers that you couldn't write one!”
It was written that night and recorded the next day. A record for me. Then it was forgotten about.
I accidentally came across it in November 2021 when looking for a backup of another song and thought “Hey this should be made public I'll finish it for release this Christmas” choosing the 10th December, World Human Rights Day, as the release date.

So how did a song about a guy forgiving a girl for walking out on him evolve into a message about child abuse?

I was researching 'forgiveness', what it means, and found that most definitions have a religious background.

Then I discovered the scale of the horrific child abuse in the Catholic Church.

How the Vatican is above the law and not answerable before any Court.

How the Pope can say he 'forgives' the priests, bishops and cardinals for their abuse of children and that makes it all ok, it’s business as usual.

Well, it’s not ok. Only God forgives and only at the request of the victim.

It was too late for me to rewrite and re-record the 'happy, jolly la, la' Forgive and Forget song to reflect my sorrow and anger at discovering the plight of the abused kids.

How could I show support and make an impact?

The Cides’ Paul Hayward was the co-founder of early UK punk band The Molesters (late 70s early ‘80s) writing songs about social injustice, apartheid and equal rights.

‘Forgive and Forget at Christmas’ is a holiday song for just about anybody. It explores the virtues of forgiveness but the video that goes with it gave me the opportunity to draw attention to the abuse of children – to draw a line between 'the Forgivable' and 'the Unforgivable'. The first £1,000 earned from this track will be donated to HAVOCA, they will receive 50% of all earnings thereafter.

Please add to your Spotify playlist now.

Can We Ever Forgive and Forget Child Sexual Abuse?

It’s that time of year when we are bombarded with adverts generated by entertainment and advertisement agencies promoting scenes of families celebrating the most perfect traditional Christmas. Yet, while the lyrics “It’s the most wonderful time of the year” is played in those adverts and on repeat in many shops and venues in the run up to Christmas, for lots of people, it is anything but wonderful.

Many people are filled with the pressure to meet the constructed expectations of how Christmas should be. Although it is undoubtedly a time of excitement for many, for others the run up to Christmas brings feelings of dread for a variety of reasons. It may be due to the inability to afford the capitalist society’s version of Christmas, or the loss of loved ones, but this dread can also be related to issues around having experienced child sexual abuse (CSA).

The Cides have donated over £2,300 so far, so please keep downloading the track. Together we’re making a difference.

Havaca have written a blog post about the word Forgiveness and what it means to a survivor. You can read it here.