Almost weeks of daily global coverage of Johnny Depp’s defamation trial against his ex-wife Amber Heard coincided with our recently released track ‘That’s not love.’ Heard had accused Depp of sexual and physical abuse, however, Johnny Depp claimed that it was Amber Heard who had been the abuser in their relationship.

The Cides believe that everyone deserves love and respect and should not have to suffer abuse from anyone. The highly publicised trial has brought the subject of intimate partner violence (IPV) to the fore which may encourage anyone who is experiencing it to seek help and know that it can happen to anyone.

We have recently released our new track ‘That’s Not Love’ which unintentionally coincides with weeks of almost daily coverage of Johnny Depp’s defamation trial against his ex-wife Amber Heard. Depp has been accused of sexual and physical abuse by his ex-wife, however, since the trial began on April 11th, 2022, Depp has alleged that it is he who has been subject to physical abuse at the hands of Amber.

Live streamed by many platforms, the extent of public involvement arguably, has not been seen since the days when they were asked “who shot JR?” However, this may be beneficial in bringing the often-hidden subject of intimate partner violence (IPV), also known as domestic violence (DV) into the open.

However, the public may well be guilty of negating the seriousness of the accusations, and simply viewing the court proceedings as entertainment, as they would a Netflix series or some reality TV show. Viewers are not only playing both judge and jury, but many also feel qualified to give their layperson’s psychological assessment of the woman believing she is lying and suffering from a personality disorder and quite simply a crazy gold digger. What message is this giving the public?

What is Intimate Partner Violence?

IPV is defined by Refuge UK as “any violence or abuse that is used by someone to control or obtain power over their partner.” Refuge is a charity based in the UK providing specialist support for women and children experiencing domestic violence and advise that IPV can include physical, sexual, psychological, verbal, emotional and financial abuse. Refuge believes that this is typically due to “gender-based violence rooted in inequality between the sexes” and overwhelmingly perpetrated by men against women

They add “If you alter your behaviour because you are frightened of how your partner will react, you are being abused” (source ). Therefore, domestic abuse can take on many guises:

Statistics show that:

almost one in three women aged 16-59 will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime (source)
in the year ending March 2019, 1.6 million women experienced domestic abuse ONS (2019)
an alarming two women a week are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales alone ONS (2019)

She’s lying

It is, therefore, shocking given the statistics stated above of violence and deaths, to observe that the allegations from Amber Heard of physical and sexual abuse perpetrated by Depp are being dismissed as lies.

You see, most of the support is primarily with Johnny Depp, a man they believe they know due to his fame over the past few decades, and his roles in the movies or his public appearances.

Here’s Johnny!The fans believe they know that a beautiful caring human being such as Depp would never abuse a woman. While that may be true of Edward Scissorhands, and of course may possibly be true of Johnny Depp too, however, the public are basing their conclusions on an image that Depp chooses to portray in public, which is true of both actors and also true of Joe public.

Abusers are often very charming at times, particularly in public, additionally, we know diddly squat of what goes on behind the closed penthouse doors of two Hollywood actors, we weren’t there, just as we know nothing of what goes on behind closed doors of anyone.

Anyone can experience IPV

The Depp trial has highlighted the fact that IPV can happen to anyone, reminding us that intimate partner violence, is not solely committed by a man against a woman and although Refuge, along with other non-governmental organisations, supports women and girls who have suffered abuse.

In fact, data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) show that each year: one in three victims of domestic abuse are male, equating to 757,000 men and of the crimes recorded by the police, 26% were committed against men. Also, according to the figures from ONS one in 6 to 7 men will be a victim of domestic abuse in their lifetime (SafeLives).

The figures could even be higher as the helpline that provides support for men, Mankind, say that most men do not believe or feel they are a victim until sometime after they no longer have control of their life and have become isolated, (this can be true for women too) and one survivor said they felt they were being ‘groomed’.

Men who are experiencing IPV come from all walks of life according to Mankind who say they receive calls from male victims across all age ranges and professions from dustmen and doctors, to, bankers and builders, from men in their 20s to men in their 80s across England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales.

According to the LGBT Charity UK, people in the LGBT community face higher rates of poverty, stigma, and marginalization, which puts them at greater risk for sexual assault and due to the hypersexualizing and stigmatizing of their relationships within society, they are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence stemming from internalized homophobia and shame.

Despite the obvious fact that men experience IPV, sadly, only 4.4% of male victims of are being supported by domestic abuse services (SafeLives).

Tell The World

Going back to the Depp trial, Amber Heard was recorded taunting Johnny Depp and saying that she “didn’t punch” him, she was “hitting him” (here) and ridiculed him saying that he would not be believed if he was to “tell the world” that he was a “victim of domestic violence.

Is it due to opinions such as these and the fear of not being believed or made to feel emasculated that men rarely speak out?

Mankind say that:

61% of the men who call their helpline have never spoken to anyone before about the abuse
Half of male victims (49%) fail to tell anyone they are a victim of domestic abuse
The charity has seen an increase in calls regarding suicide ideation over the pandemic period
11% of male victims (7.2% women) have considered taking their life due to partner abuse.
Over the past five years (April 2015 to March 20), on average 12 men per year had been killed by a partner or ex-partner

These figures show that anyone suffering abuse from their partner should do what Johnny has done and yes, tell the world or at least tell somebody.

If the Abuse Is So Bad, Why Didn’t They Leave?

Commentators on the Depp trial have asked the question that is asked of many victims of abuse, “why didn’t she leave?” which could also be asked of Depp. But according to Refuge, who say that it can be extremely difficult to leave an abusive partner.

There can be many reasons for this according to Refuge, they also point out that a relationship is often a huge emotional investment with those being abused staying in the hope they can work it out and their partner will change, they may remember the good times at the start of the relationship and hope they will return.

Undoubtedly there are other reasons unique to each individual which results in victims staying with the abuser for two to three years on average before getting help, Yet, they ae remaining in a situation which is putting them at high risk of serious harm or even being murdered.

We should certainly never judge those who speak out or accuse them of lying.

That’s Not Love

The coverage of the trial has shown accusations of abuse being disbelieved and the individuals being vilified, this is perhaps doing more harm than good for the many individuals who may already have concerns about speaking out.

The Cides advocates that all individuals being subjected to IPV and brave enough to seek help and support must be listened to and believed. We believe that every human deserves love and respect. No one should ever suffer abuse from a partner, family member or stranger. Any single incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour or violence is abusive.

Disclaimer: The Cides, has not made a judgement on whether Johnny Depp has been abused or whether Amber Heard is lying or not, we weren’t there and therefore are not qualified to.

We will say though, their relationship seems to have many toxic elements, and in the words of the song '“That’s not love, that’s something else.”

You can listen to That’s Not Love here.

We will donate the first £1,000 of receipts from ‘That’s Not Love’ to support LGBT Charity UK, a non-profit charity organisation. Thereafter LGBT will receive 50% of all further income.

HELP IS AVAILABLE

If you are experiencing IPV or abuse in a relationship, remember you are not to blame, you are not weak and you are not alone. There is help available.

Research by Patricia Harrity

Intimate Personal Violence – That’s Not Love!